How To Overcome Loneliness

“All alone. Whether you like it or not, alone is something you’ll be quite a lot!”

~ Dr. Seuss, Oh, the Places You’ll Go!

I think we’re friends. Deep down we want the same thing – to feel connection & caring. And when we’re suffering to any degree, it’s because we’ve forgotten our connection – our belonging to ourselves, to each other, and to life.

How To Overcome Loneliness (& get more connected)

Loneliness has been on a steep rise since before this pandemic, especially in young people. According to a recent George Mason University study of youth 20 & younger, 1/3 self-identify as chronically lonely & socially isolated, while over 1/2 say their relationships exist only online.

And while solitude & being alone can be very healthy for us, social distancing can really accentuate feelings of separation. Loneliness usually comes with the shame of feeling that something is deeply wrong, and this can be a prison with many emotional, social and physical repercussions. Research even shows that loneliness can be as damaging to physical health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.

According to Dr. Rebecca Mullen, lead researcher in the George Mason study, “Loneliness is a public health issue, and one people should be discussing.” So while we’re all staying home, let’s discuss how to overcome loneliness as a way to love ourselves and each other… and as a way to help heal our world.

What & Where is “Home”?

On our dance camp’s homepage, a big banner reads, “WELCOME HOME.” We believe that “home” is actually a feeling and not a place. We are home whenever we remember our connection – our belonging to ourselves, to each other, and to life. Home is a place where loneliness disappears.

But at camp coming home is easy – we take a much-needed “detox” from our virtual lives… like the Cheers song, we get to go “where everybody knows our name and they’re always glad we came”… we get to “take a break from all our worries” and “see our troubles are all the same.” This space allows us the chance to reconnect with the authentic “selves” so many of us struggle to hold on to during the school year.

So if we need face-to-face time for the authentic connection that heals loneliness, how can we arrive “home” while social distancing (& much of life seems to exist online)? What if we’re using social media WAY too much & the curated snapshots of friends’ lives leave us inspired 25% of the time but feeling inadequate 100% of the time?

Coming “Home” to Ourselves

First we must recognize that “home” is within us. We must take time to reconnect with ourselves and address any feelings of insecurity, unworthiness and loneliness.

According to psychologist, author and spiritual teacher, Tara Brach, the acronym RAIN is an easy-to-remember tool for practicing coming home with the following four steps:

R: Recognize what is happening. Ask, “What am I feeling right now? Is my mind filled with churning thoughts? How is this experience living in my heart, body and mind?”

A: Allow the experience to be there, just as it is. Send the heart a message to “let be” this experience. Saying yes to the part of us that is saying, “I hate this!” is part of the process.

At this point in RAIN, we are simply noticing what is true, and intending not to judge, push away or control anything we find.

I: Investigate with interest and care. Pose gentle questions like, “What story am I telling myself about this? Why am I feeling this way?”

N: Nurture with self-compassion. Ask, “What does this place in me most need to remember or trust?” We might offer a wise message to ourselves like, “trust your goodness” or “you are loved.”

Through the practice of RAIN, our attention becomes more intimate and loving… we can experiment with how to overcome loneliness by befriending ourselves with affirmations, journaling, imagery (& dance).

Coming “Home” to Each Other

We cannot connect with another person until we connect with ourselves. When we establish an authentic connection with ourselves and make peace with our loneliness and fear, this is a revolution. This is the act of coming home to ourselves that puts us in a position to understand another person’s feelings and see them with empathy – this is where “I” is replaced by “We” and my illness becomes our wellness.

In her most recent book, “UnSelfie: Why Empathic Kids Succeed in Our All About Me World,” parenting expert and educational psychologist Dr. Michelle Borba writes about the power of empathy. She argues that in our plugged-in, distracted world, narcissism in kids is up (just look at all the Instagram selfies!), but empathy is way down.

According to Borba, empathy is the ability to:

see with the eyes of another
listen with the ears of another
feel with the heart of another

But Borba also argues that face-to-face human connection is the foundation for empathy. We’re happier & healthier when we’re with others, so how can we come “home” to each other & grow in empathy while social distancing?

We can begin by being more mindful in how we use technology. We can shift our perspective to see how physical (not social) distancing is allowing for deeper connection.

In his new book, “Together: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World,” former United States Surgeon General Vivek Murthy writes, “The good news is that with awareness of the causes of our loneliness, comes creative solutions to help ourselves and those we love to create more connected lives. We can make great strides in helping each other understand that we are not alone.”

The ADTC Dance Camp Mission

At ADTC, we share one simple, unifying mission: to empower girls to move to love. And with our new Virtual Dance Camps, our goal is to transform any personal & collective loneliness into love – replace “I” with “We” (illness with wellness).

What exactly do we mean by “move to love”?

MOVE – to pass from one place or position to another.

LOVE – to access the part of our mind that is connected to Spirit; the source of peace, joy, happiness and a whole bunch of other “positive” emotions.

So “move to love” means to move to a new place (or state of mind) – the state of mind connected to our Spirit (peace, joy, happiness… all that positive stuff).

And in order to move to love, we must move away from where we currently are that is not love (this place is usually called fear). Fear tries to keep us from moving to love at all costs – fear will even use our own ego to totally confuse us and make us think that it is safer not to move to love (or that we aren’t capable of it). Luckily love isn’t a far off “destination” – it is a practice that we can choose right now.

Just like our overnight camps, our virtual camps will offer a tight-knit, all-girl community where we can feel safe to practice love. We’ll unplug from harmful distractions so we can connect to our bigger mission:

To inspire (and be inspired)
To create community with like-minded girls / women
To educate and empower each other to choose love (over fear)
To share what is going on for us in a safe space
To get moving (physically, but more importantly towards our passion/dream/purpose)
To adapt to change with confidence, empathy & grace

We hope your daughter will join us online! Just a reminder that registered campers are invited to participate in ALL of our new virtual options (DanceADTC TV, Boot Camps & ULTIMATE Camps) in addition to attending your in-person week/s this summer or in the future, absolutely free. Virtual Boot Camps begin June 1st. To sign up, just submit this “Virtual VIP Form.”

VIRTUAL VIP FORM